| | i've been writing so much but nothing here. there is just so much to say but nothing i can shout into the wind, so to speak. argh! well, you'll be glad to know i'm filling notebooks. if you were wondering. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| what do i do with all my time??
what i need most right now is to get back into my head. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | i think the thing i worry the most about in life is that no one will be listening when i have something to say. i spend so much of my time now just saying anything when maybe i shouldn't, but one day i really will have something to say. i feel it in the back of my throat and sometime, sometime. but what if nobody reads, or what if there's nobody there at all? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | oh yeah so i'm totally not moving to chicago! sorry, i forgot to tell you. staying here to produce my play (beginning of october) and learn how to build vintage motorcycles. so that's cool. also my new fella roy pulled an electric typewriter out of the trash on the side of the road for me the other day. did i tell you i wrote a play? yeah. i also cut my hair since last we spoke. and it's almost back to its natural color. other news......dunno. it's warm these days but not intolerably hot. knock on wood. oh, and yes, i have a new fella. he's a good one, i think. more on this as things develop. lots of stuff happens all the time. hum. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| life updates:
i'm moving to chicago at the end of the summer. tentatively august but maybe when baseball season is over? probably not a good enough reason to delay, and i do need to go ahead and sign a lease with my beautiful new roommate, if she still wants to share some space with me. really, really excited and loving the feeling of moving forward with my life. i will probably be transferring to one of the four half price stores up there, and within a few years should be attending uic for grad school. my mom and i are flying up there next sunday to scope some things out. yesss loving it.
also i know how cold it gets there. thanks.
i'm going to buy a bike before said end of summer and consequent move. i was reading a book at work with interviews from motorcycle types and there was one in particular that struck me bigtime. a woman was talking about being diagnosed with depression and approaching the decision to get on medication, when impulsively she decided to buy a bike instead and has never looked back. all better. i want some of that. some things: possible and probable.
other than that, things are pretty ok. i've been having a lot of fun but feeling pretty fuzzy-headed. needing some change i suppose. but i've been spending some really good time with some really good someones and that's all i want to say.
oh and i had a birthday. yeah!
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| weird, strange, weird strange things in my life now. good, strange things in my life, and on top of that it's cold as hell. not as cold as hell as it could be, i suppose. cold enough for me.
astros.com says brandon backe is going to be back next season. can you imagine the goosebumps i have right now. you cannot. i have goosebumps. it hurts my heart to look at the roster and see no dan wheeler. dan wheeler, but i loved you. i don't blame you for what happened, but wigginton just has no chance of carving out a permanent place in my heart, as you have. i will miss your squareish head and slightly dazed expressions. let's make a list of things i love: hunter pence, you are so lanky and fresh-faced. you are even cuter than taylor bucholtz was and i'm sorry you got hurt and couldn't be rookie of the year. also i commend the way you wear your socks. you and my boy roy are keeping it real. it's a hip expression. what else. dave borkowski, if you would only keep your facial hair consistent i would love you forever. you look very sharp in the wind-up but i do miss your beard. adam everett! you are a darling and i want to give you a hug. i just watched the video of you breaking your leg again and it makes my skin turn inside-out. i'm glad you are feeling better and i promise to continue antagonizing those savages who continue to immorally discuss trading you. also: josh anderson, i feel that a crime has been committed. noone agrees with me. but i really liked you, you gave me really good vibes and i'm sorry you left. however, i hope you will do very well in atlanta and that people will stop referring to you as "not a prospect." the braves have just resigned tom glavine for a one-year contract and thus you will be playing with two of the greatest living major league pitchers. so i will not cry for you, only for myself, as i am fairly certain that luke scott will not be playing to his potential this year, and we will invariably find ourselves with, once again, a revolving door in our outfield. my oh my. and of course, roy. roy, roy, your current career era is 3.07. you are a handsome and upright man, and by man i mean pitcher. you want to retire at the end of your contract in 2011, at which point you will be 34 and i will be 26. i realize that i have a few years to come to terms with our inevitable separation but you must realize that you have had 8 extra years to be around yourself, 8 years that i have not had, and that is unfair. greg maddux is going to retire any minute now and i will have very little left to live for. i hope that we can come to some sort of compromise. i will buy you coffee.
and i leave you with:
the king of my heart. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| it's my day off and i've been inspired by a friend to post a legitimate life-update. so here goes:
as some of you already know, i started working at half price books at the beginning of march. so far i am loving it just about as much as a person could love a single, repeated activity--which, it turns out, is a lot. my section is us history, which includes: contemporary political biographies, us politics and goverment (bickering bipartisan jerks), general us history, us history textbooks, colonial & pre-civil war, civil war, 1865 to world war II, 1945 to present, texana history and politics, general texana, texana travel, texana poetry and prose, native american studies, ancient american studies (aztec, mayan, incan), regional studies (northeast/midwest, south/southwest, and west/old west), texana yearbooks, us immigrant and ethnic studies, african american studies, us presidential biographies, the kennedys, and the clintons. yes, the kennedys and the clintons get their own sub-sections. there are a whole lot of books about those people, and a whole lot of people wanting to buy them. go figure. ANYWAY, i love it, it's the best job i've ever had, i love everyone i work with, and each day is better than the last. how's that.
i can't remember if i already wrote about my decision to pursue my phd and become a professor, so i'll just throw that out there. i don't know where i'm going to attend graduate school as of yet, but u of h is of course a front-runner.
i have decided to start re-teaching myself spanish. i feel like i'm in a good place in my life to absorb something so useful. a few kids at my work speak at least some spanish and i'm hoping i'll get some good use out of it. so ok.
also we are starting a book club at my work. i submitted a list of 12 recommendations for books to read in the club this year. we made a masterlist and will be breaking it down into a finalized list this week. in the meantime our first book is to kill a mockingbird, which is a book we could all use to re-read. ALSO corinna got me to join a website called goodreads.com, and i'm pretty excited about that. my username is meg.
things with mike are real good. we are looking for a new apartment, which is exciting and not yet frustrating. his beard has reached epic proportions. i want the two of us to take a vacation together sometime this summer, so i'm open to ideas for cheap, quick trips two busy, working folks can enjoy (and bring a small dog along). pocket is also wonderful. she went through a brief period of peeing on everything about a month ago but now seems to have gotten over it.
i got my hair cut (and colored) again after a somewhat disastrous attempt at dyeing my own hair red. i am now the closest to my natural color i've been in maybe a year. it feels nice and i think it looks nice, too. now i'm going to leave it alone for a while.
also i've made or become closer with a handful of really nice friends that i really like and am excited about spending more time with. yep.
either that's everything new in my life or i've tired of staring at this screen. i've run out of steam. overall things are going really, really well and i've got a smile on my face everyday.
so there you go. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i got three hours of sleep last night/this morning (7-10 am) and yet i am not exhausted. in fact, mike (who got plenty of sleep) is now, yet again, sleeping soundly beside me. that guuuuy.
our apartment is 80 degrees because for whatever reason (never say broken) the a/c won't kick in. thank landlord for ceiling fans.
i saw 300 today. anybody that didn't like it can take this cue to keep it to themselves. so much splattery, puddingy blood! and leonidas with the speech impediment...definitely into it. i looked him up (his real name is gerard butler for those interested) and no wonder i'm in love: he's from glasgow, scotland. i might as well move there.
i had my last day of work at starbucks on friday. they covered me with four entire canisters of whipped cream. whatever you're imagining, you are underestimating the situation. i have since showered twice and washed my clothes, so i'm moving on with my life. new job starts monday morning at 9 am. could i be more excited? only if i were projectile vomiting.
also i just watched the departed and eh, i give it a 6. for as much as i want to make fun of him, leonardo dicaprio sure can act the shit out of some movies. big ups to matt damon, too, and for the record, my favorite scene was at the end with marky mark. as far as plot goes, it wasn't wicked enough. suspenseful, sure, but you can't play off the same question mark for the whole three hours. martin, seriously. although i loved the twist with the chick. anyway, i'm over it. didn't they win an oscar?
i did manage to get my hair cut on wednesday and the lady switched my part. it's been throwing me completely off ever since. go figure.
whatever all of that means. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | so here's the story: i live in the real world, the actual world full of truths and hard edges. so there isn't much in the way of drama here, just lots of laundry and worrying if my paycheck cleared yet. i go to work nearly every day, i pay my bills on time, i go to sleep before 11. i'm completely satiated most of the time, and when i'm not, i work on it. mike and i spoil ourselves by buying a refrigerator-full of vitamin water. i do get sick a lot. my dog sometimes gets in the trash. none of it is a big deal. i don't think about things like haircuts because in the real world, i only have time to do the things that need to get done and the things that i need to do to make the people i care about (and myself) happy and safe. | | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
| There was a child who was born to be the one who comforts me,
Who grew up strong and brave and holy, loves me rough and tenderly.
Can it be understood the reasons why you belong to me?
I need the steady of you and I'd give you anything,
That I could cut with sweet precision from beneath my tender skin.
There is a way, there is a way that you can save me from this.
Would you promise to be kind?
Promise to be kind. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| yesterday i slept until 9am and then watched the entire 3rd season of scrubs on my computer. mike got home a little before 4pm and played final fantasy while i attempted to take a bath. i say attempted because the water got real lukewarm real fast and the faucet would not give me more hot water. i was freezing. i didn't even stay in long enough to get wrinkly.
after that, around 6:30, we went to hickory hollow. i got the chopped beef baked potato and a pint of okra, mike got the 2 meat platter with hot tots and potato salad. i learned that he doesn't like baked potatoes, he learned that i put 6 sweet & lows in my iced tea. we talked about sports, mostly. then we went to agora. i got earl grey tea. mike got decaf coffee and accidentally put too much cream in it. it tasted like warm milk. we talked about love and me moving away to grad school someday in the future. our bellies were so full from barbeque and drinks.
we got home by 9:30, not going grocery shopping as planned, and mike hopped in the shower. i ran around real quick and set lit candles all around our bedroom. he got out of the shower and we sat on the bed trying to decompress rar files to watch the goonies on my laptop. as it turned out, the files were trash anyway. no goonies. so we watched an episode of house. mike fell asleep a little after 10 and i stayed up until 2 watching more house and playing hearts and freecell.
basically the most adorable valentine's day ever, maybe not by anyone else's standards. i had a really lovely time all day and i feel so lucky to have a guy in my life that makes me feel so happy. it doesn't matter what we're doing or where we are, i can look at him and feel centered and really legitimately joyful. so for what valentine's day is worth, there you go.
also it's my 22nd birthday today. nothing is different but i'm looking forward to a weekend (starting tonight) filled with awesome fun and awesome friends. | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| i haven't said enough. what i wanted to say is that i'm real happy, most of the time, meaning all of the time. sometimes not when driving. otherwise yes.
in summary: happy, good, satisfactory, no whining out of this one. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | my credit card company has been, for no reason of which i am aware, increasing my credit limit in increments of $400 every few months. i kind of want them to stop but there's no button for that on their webpage. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | "i'm at a really strange point in my life." it is such a cliche, such an obvious hole in which to have fallen. here is the way things are: i do not, as of today, have my job with the bookseller anymore. in his own words, he doesn't have the cash for it and so i cannot come to work. this is not unanticipated but still a little crushing in my chest--not because i loved the place but because i am only in the searching phase of having a new job. and i need to be working every second. otherwise ends will not meet what they are intended to meet, whatever that may be. so i am left with the rest: an apartment that i really do love but that cannot seem to get entirely unpacked, a mysteriously cracked toilet tank (as of yesterday morning), no shaving cream, a car that shudders and runs like a lawnmower, and an overarching feeling of dread and anxiety. just in time for christmas. in the middle of all of this we find my loving and supportive boyfriend, who is steadily becoming a really solid partner in my life. he helps me breathe through it and make new plans. i cannot even open my mouth to explain the fear that i'm feeling. i can only keep telling myself that this is what it feels like to be in the stream, and that everything i am experiencing is common human experience. i can handle it. i guess that is what i'm doing. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | listening to the radio at work is hilarious! having never had an office-type job before, i had no idea how awesome this could be. we are somewhat diplomatic about the radio here, which means most of the time it's on some generic alternative-pop station. right now it's yahoo launchcast, and we're listening to sugarcult. i love how good-vibesy and sometimes rage-against-the-machine-good-vibesy this makes the whole building feel. very, very mediocre. oh now it's lacuna coil. who is lacuna coil??! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15th
party at charlie's for carli's 21st birthday. if you love kirsch sisters like i love kirsch sisters, you'll make an appearance.
also, my one-year anniversary with mike. weeeird, right? but nice. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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some_privateer's journal